Killian's Corner o' Rants

empty_rant @ 2007-06-21T14:10:00

2007-06-21T21:24:40Z

1.If you were an ice cream flavor, what would it be?
Neopolitan. One day I'm one flavor, the next day I'm another, and the next day I'm yet another. In the end, I have no f'n clue what I am.

2.What is your first memory of me?
Reading some of your posts on draconic and thinking to myself 'hmm, I guess not all otherkin are insane.'

3.On a rate of 1-10, what kind of friend would you consider me(assume 10 is best)?
I dunno. 7 I guess.

4.How many licks do you think it takes to get to the cneter of a tootsie pop?
312 I've counted.

5.What spurred you to respond to this post?
Was curious as to what questions you'd ask.

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And thus the endless cycle of the meme goes on and on and on and on...

My only prayer

2007-05-05T09:48:10Z

Dear God,

I've been angry with you, and I know I probably shouldn't be. I've been blaming you for a lot of things in my life. My emotional state of mind, my apathy towards college and my friends, my family. And I know I really shouldn't feel the way that I do, because I haven't had to deal with a lot of difficulties that others I know have dealt with. I have food, I have money to pay for gas to get to and from school and work plus enough for the occasional video game every few months or so, I have the credit to take out loans for college, etc. I really do have a good life and should be grateful.

But at the same time, I have a good life because I have the sense not put myself in a situation that hinders my growth. I have money to live, because I don't spend frivolously, I have credit for school, because I budget for bills, I have friends, because I have a kind and forgiving heart, and I have family I could turn to for much the same reason.

And I would give all that up just to feel the love I felt 10 years ago when I saw her for the first and only time. Those brief seconds I felt my breath catch in my lungs, the tears come to my eyes, the dizziness of ecstatic joy. Even after my eyes strained and shook and refocused I still saw her there. I knew it was real then, but time has a way of turning a memory into a dream. Her wings could have been shadows playing tricks on my eyes, the scales could have been light dancing in the trees. I don't know exactly what I saw so long ago, but I know what I felt and I can't deny that feeling no matter how much time passes.

Dear God, I've done what I could with this life you gave me. I'm but a fish in the sea with everyone else, yet I'm still drowning. I can be in a room full of friends and still be the loneliest person in the world. I know real love exists, because I've felt it before. The real, true to yourself love that goes beyond words and emotions. But will it be another 10 years before I feel it again? 20? Will I be on my deathbed before I realize that I've been wrong, that love was here the entire time? I have everyone telling me to have patience, to take a chance, to shine and others around me will shine too. After so much disappointment, so many unrealized expectations, and abandoned dreams I have to wonder what the point is or if there even was one. Let's face it, life doesn't live up to the stories that we're told as children. I guess if I had to blame someone, I blame myself for putting too much faith in them, because while all they have is positive reinforcement and encouraging words, I have the experience that says otherwise.

There's a certain breaking point that people have when dealing with themselves...well, I have at least...that as soon as they reach it they just stop caring. Is it possible to become spiritually burnt out? Can the soul bleed? Maybe I'm too emotional, or maybe I'm not able to create new any dreams because I'm too resentful for the ones that don't fit reality.

Dear God, my heart isn't in this anymore. I force myself to find a reason to get up in the morning, and failing that, I get up anyway. One step in front of the other until the mud on my boots turn to stone, and when the day ends I look back and see that I've only been walking in circles. And it's no fair that I say this, because, yes, I have a good life. But it's good for other people. It's good because I am the shoulder they cry on, I am the ear they need when they have to talk, I am the person they hug when they need comfort. And I really don't mind it at all. But who do I turn to when I need the shoulder, the ear, the hug? I don't turn to you, because I only get the same loneliness as a room full of friends. It's good for those people that have to take their pills every morning to tell me how good it is. I can feign a smile and tell everyone that I'm doing good, but at the end of the day I still feel exhausted with a tiredness that I can't rid myself of with sleep.

Dear God, I never ask anything from you, and I'm never grateful for anything you may do. But you gave me this life, so now I will be the most selfish being on the planet. I ask that you take this life back. I don't know what to do with it. I don't want it. And I'm not meant to have it.

Dear God, give me back my wings.

Sincerely,

John

empty_rant @ 2007-02-05T21:18:00

2007-02-06T04:22:15Z

I stayed home from school today, because I woke up with a cold. I thougth I was coming down with something last night, and I took something for it but it didn't seem to work. Right now I'm feeling worse than this morning. I mean, I'm setting a new definition for the term 'miserable.'

Ugh...I know I won't mean it later, but right now I just feel like I wanna die.

Wee Wii

2007-01-30T06:15:50Z

I thought about looking for porn with my Wii just so I could joke that Nintendo has finally become a man, but in the same thought I remembered how prominately child oriented Nintendo has been in the past. I feel like using the Wii to search for porn would be like molesting a 12 year old...

empty_rant @ 2007-01-29T19:51:00

2007-01-30T02:52:07Z

I've forgot to cancel my Live account before it recharged, so now I have another year of wasted account.

Crap.

Two words...

2007-01-18T05:06:42Z

Mythbusters and pirates.

Hell yeah.

empty_rant @ 2006-12-29T16:22:00

2006-12-29T23:22:36Z

Haven't been keeping this updated as you can see. I've been...I dunno. Not busy. But everytime I try to post an update, I just end up hitting either the back button or cancel. I'm just not that great with words, I guess.

I flew back to Arkansas for the holidays. All well and good that I get to be with family and all, but I really can't wait to go back home. There's just way too much drama with my sister, and my mother doesn't really take good care of herself.

I've tried talking to both of them, but it's not helping matters. All I can do is sit back and watch.

So Christmas has become more of an trial than a holiday to me. I hate having to fight the stores just to fulfill that obligation to buy something for someone because they bought something for me. Truthfully, I would not be disappointed if no one bought me anything. It's become way to stressful.

Speaking of stress, I'm starting my new school the day after I get back to Arizona. Between that, work, moving again the beginning of March, my roommates not giving their rent on time...yeah. It's no wonder people hit the bottle this time of the year.

Work Related 2: Return of the Dumbass

2006-12-17T05:35:19Z

Me: "Good evening, sir. How are you today?"

Customer: "I'm good. Listen, there's something wrong with my dog."

Me: "I'll help if I can."

Customer: "He has this tick on his back that I've been trying to pull off for a few hours with a tick comb, but it's not coming off."

Me: "Let's see...." *looks at the dog, then back at him, the dog, him*

Me: "Well...sir...your first problem is...that's not a tick. That's a mole."

Customer: "Oh...well...can you still take it off?"

Me: "No."

I swear to god, this planet has an overabundance of stupidity.

Work related

2006-12-16T09:43:56Z

Me: "Hello, thanks for calling. How can I help you?"

Customer: "Hi, I have a question. Maybe you can answer it."

Me: "I can try my best."

Customer: "My dog ripped off half of one of his dew claw toes and I was wondering if you could cut off the rest."

Me: *thinking I heard wrong* "Wait, he ripped off half of his dew claw?"

Customer: "No, he ripped off half of his toe."

Me: "And you want me to cut of...the rest of his toe...?"

Customer: "Yes."

Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's something a vet needs to do."

Customer: "Well, you have one of those nail trimmers there, right?"

Me: "...yeah, but that is not something we can do. You need to talk to a vet for something like th-"

Customer: "Well, thanks for nothing then."

*click*

empty_rant @ 2006-11-06T13:02:00

2006-11-06T20:02:38Z

So Jeff is gone. I don't remember if I mentioned this or not (haven't really had the time to update), but he was denied financing for school and couldn't afford to stay. He packed up and headed home this morning.

Sure am gonna miss him. He was like a brother to me.

God...it's gonna be boring around here now...

2 pieces of good news.

2006-09-21T20:05:41Z

First, I've found a job. I'll be washing dogs at PetSmart, which is awesome because I find dealing with animals is easier than dealing with people. heh

Second, I just bought Okami. Oh, how I've missed that new game smell...I've been deprived. Really. The last time I was able to buy a new game was before I moved to Arizona a year and a half ago.

Mmmmm...new game smell...

I'm serious people. You can keep your sex. Just give me a copy of Okami, Zelda: Twilight Princess, Final Fantasy XII, BattleField 2124, Phantasy Star Universe, or UT2K7 (preferably all) and I'll be set.

XD

Another rant

2006-08-28T09:56:33Z

Another restless night, but that seems to be the recurring theme. And it's pretty much the same tune, different tempo scenario again.

I guess I lied when I said I was over Alex. She finally talked to me again after a month of being offline, acting so glad to be able to do so again, yet brushed me aside quicker than she was online.

You know, it's not really how's she's treating me as a second-rate 'friend' that hurts, only bringing me out of the darkness when it's convenient to her. I've come to expect that from her. Every time I talk to her now it reminds me of the disappointment from taking the chance to get out there, become social, chat it up. And it's not just her. School, friends, and the calm I've been trying to seek for self-growth for the past several years. It's like no matter what good I try to do for myself it's ending in disappointment.

And I get that feeling every time she says anything now.

Soo, I gotta do what I must I guess. I've just decided I need to just get her out of my life for good. Deleted her contact, put her on ignore, etc. She's not doing it on purpose, I know. I just can't deal with her meaningless idea of friendship.

But enough emo, self-pity. I've been going over UAT's class catalog and holy shit! I can't wait to have that variety back in class scheduling again! I'm really looking forward to their audio classes. They go so much more in depth with their programs than Collins 'Ok, here's some loops. Have at it.'

Mmmm...warmings and fuzzies.

Just as quick as I started WoW back up, I canceled again. Really not able to afford that monthly fee, and living off of toast and ramien noodles for nine days straight (currently on day 4, won't get next check until 1st or 2nd of next month) is not something I want to do again. I needs me some steak!!!

Oh, and remember that broken window I mentioned some time ago? I got a quote for replacing it. $201.01. Yeah, just shoot me now.

Anyway, let's see if I can get some sleep now. Laters.

A picture

2006-08-21T08:29:12Z

I haven't been around too much lately due to a hetic schedule between school, trying to find a job, and recent investigations for this paranormal group I joined. But there's a photo I wanted to share.

It was not edited or doctored in anyway (besides maybe a resizing by livejournal in which case an enlargement is in order for better veiwing). A friend believes that it's one of my spirit guides making himself known.

And now that part that makes me sound insane.

I think she's right, because everytime I look at this photo I get the image of him whispering in my ear 'Any belief that makes you cry at night with worry is worth looking into.' Or something to that nature anyway.

I'm still trying to get better in tune with my guides after all.

Edit: Couldn't sleep, so I decided to finish tightening the graphics on level three.

God I hate Collins...

empty_rant @ 2006-08-14T23:05:00

2006-08-15T06:08:23Z

Been busy. You know. School, life, paranormal investigations.

Catching ALOT of evps (which everyone keeps telling me is unusual, but hey...I wouldn't know. I just take them as they come). One freaked me out cuz it called me out by name and told me to run because there was danger.

All good otherwise.

Care for a pint?

2006-08-02T07:35:30Z

So today was a pretty exciting day. First off, I donated blood again. I got out of my C++ class early to do so AND I got a coupon for a free pint of Baskin Robins. It was a win/win situation. :D

Let's see...a group of classmates and I went to UAT to check out how they run things. And oh my god...I was so impressed with the tour. Not only do they have a 15 week semester, electives, better equipment, better and cheaper classes, but they also have an impressive networking with top name individuals in the gaming industry! If a group of students want to make and work on their own side project the school not only allows them, but helps them too!

So...I may be transferring.

I didn't say yes right away, because the program isn't shrunk down to 2 1/2 years. Its a full 3 1/2. And my mother is expecting me back home right after graduation. Just want to mention that I found a better school than Collins (if you wanna consider Collins a 'school').

I dunno. The tour around the school just seemed to fan the drive to actually work back to life again. I'm really, really excited about this school.

And I haven't been reading my friend's journals lately. Just been too busy. I promise to catch up this weekend. :)

You're not fully clean unless...

2006-07-30T22:22:42Z

I just bought a stick of Brute deodorant. Why do I bother even mentioning this? Because its scent is so fucking strong it smells like I just stuck two bars of Zest under my armpits.

Anyway, my ghost group and I just finished an investigation at the Double Butte cemetary. We got several EVPs which I'm working on right now (including an errily creepy one that calls out my name.) If Liz's grandson wasn't around it might have gone better though. He's only 7 and kept following me around when I was trying to record stuff. Most of what I caught I have to dismiss because I can't tell if it was actual EVP or him. Still successful though.

Fun stuff.

Booo bullshit commercials. Hooray beer!

2006-07-29T08:04:20Z

I'm getting really annoyed with these Collins College commercials. The generic teenagers supposedly playing video games as 'homework', or making games with the use of an xbox controller ("I say he should move...THIS way.") I swear to god if they showed these commercials when I was debating to go back to school or not I wouldn't be out here. Don't get me wrong, the commercials were still retarded back then, but they at least didn't assume everyone was one big collective dumbass.

Then again, the student population rate for this game design degree has doubled since then...

*sigh*

Jeff won an ipod nano at work today and didn't waste any time rubbing it in my face. All good. I just have to remind him who bought him groceries while he was working at the video store a couple monthes again. That retort never gets old. :)

Scam

2006-07-28T00:11:57Z

Ok, so I just got a scam letter in the mail today. One of those 'if you send out a dollar to these six people and ask to be added to their mailing list blah blah blah' chain/scam junk BS. So I'm debating wether to send a note telling these people to go fuck themselves instead.

C++ makes me cry myself to sleep...

2006-07-27T20:41:42Z

#include
using namespace std;

int sanity = 100;
int killEverything(int sanity);
bool studyingCpp = true;

int main()
{
while (studyingCpp == true)
{
sanity--;
if (sanity == 0)
{
killEverything(sanity);
studyingCpp = false;
}
}
return 0;
}

int killEverything(int sanity)
{
for(theLiving = 1000; theLiving > sanity; theLiving--)
{
cout << "Everthing suffers! " << theLiving << " lives destroyed until I've regained my sanity." << endl;
}
bool prisonTime = true;
return 0;
}

empty_rant @ 2006-07-25T22:06:00

2006-07-26T05:18:58Z

I got such a scare yesterday. First some backstory...

A little while ago, maybe two months, I joined a paranormal investigation group. We go around checking areas that have reports of ghost and paranormal activity. On my first investigation I got a few pictures AND an evp of interest, which is awesome since most investigations go without anything showing up.

One of the ladies in this group kind of took me under her wing. I don't know if I mentioned in my last post or not, but she's the one I went to Salt River with. She's basically become my mother while I'm in Arizona. She said she noticed something unusual about me and wants to help me get in touch with my spirit guides. At one point she said her guide was screaming at her things about me that made her nervous. I won't get into those things, since it's between me and her.

But anyway, yesterday we were meditating, trying to contact our guides when she suddenly started having pains in her chest. They got so bad that she asked me to take her to the hospital.

She's back home now, though. The doctors said she pulled a muscle in her chest and shoulder, but that still scared me.

empty_rant @ 2006-07-23T22:44:00

2006-07-24T06:18:12Z

Alex leaves tomorrow. She really wanted to see me one last time before she left, and I don't have any spite against her I agreed to see her.

We scheduled to meet at noon Friday, but she called about 11:40 to reschedule due to a saloon appointment running late. Which is fine. I know how things go. We decided on 2 instead, but when 2 came around and I was waiting for her at the restaurant I got a call there from her saying her appointment was still running late. So I meet her at the saloon instead.

And I waited some more there. Two hours in fact. I really only talked to her about 15 minutes or so before I came home.

But I'm not really angry about it. I realized that our worlds really aren't that similar. I mean, I wish her well during college, but I'm not too sorry to see her go.

In other news, I went to Salt River with a friend yesterday and now I have sun burns on my shoulders, chest, back, legs...pretty much all over. I got a free lunch and dinner, so it was worth it. XD

And in other, other news, a group of classmates asked me to join a side project with them. We're going to try to start our own game production team and build a working game for our portfolios. It'll be interesting to see what comes out of that.

empty_rant @ 2006-07-13T17:47:00

2006-07-14T00:58:53Z

I was looking at a friend's art today. There were some wonderful anthro drawings in her collection. I don't know why, but there's always something I find beautiful about those kind of drawings...yet something depressing about them too.

I see both sides to anthro art. Both the animal and the human. The animal with the sense of natural beauty, wonder, and indifference to standards, and the human with the sense of self, identity, and the appreciation of knowing the difference. Fantasy, I know, but it's something that should really be a part of general life.

I don't know...it just makes me feel like there's something missing in existence.

empty_rant @ 2006-07-09T01:54:00

2006-07-09T09:00:56Z

Ok, so I've been fine lately. Had a good day today at work. Two malamute/german shepard/wolf hybrid brothers were there, and I spent the day taking care of them. It's a shame I'm piss broke right now. If I had the $400 pet deposit paid, I'd adopt them. There beautiful looking dogs, and the friendliest I've ever dealt with.

Anyway, here's my first ever livejournal survey I've filled out. Gotten from Velen. (Red square means 'yes' and blue x means 'no'.)

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (Can anyone say regurgitated jokes?)	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (Both.)	✓ I love to play video games. (I like to play video games, but I haven't been lately.)	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies. (Not a porn type of person.)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (Fuck yeah I do. Colorful four letter words are alot cheaper than therapy.)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (For the better? For the worse? Who knows?)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
× I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop. (When I have the money, that is.)	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
× I currently like/love someone. (Kinda burned out at the moment trying to figure out what love is.)	✓ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future.
× I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn. (Definitely.)	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (Alcohol, yes. Drugs, no.)	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am. (Polotics are great if you run out of sleeping pills.)	× I am punk rockish.	× I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now. (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	× I love sea turtles. (...why turtles?)
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs.	✓ I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted. (God that would explain alot, but alas...)
✓ I am a pyro. (What can I say? Fire is awesome.)	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved. (Remember that comment about cursing. It applies here.)
✓ I fall for the worst people. (Apparently.)	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
✓ I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
✓ I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all. (More or less.)	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes. (Hobbit feet.)	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries.	✓ I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	✓ I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone. (Mixed feelings. Solitude is both a blessing and a curse.)	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	× I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest. (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others. (Well...self aware, yes. The awareness to others is more like a consequence.)
✓ Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother. (Feelings of homesickness more than crying.)	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	✓ Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed. (Not usually, but lately yeah.)	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (While I think it's wrong to sum a group of people into a single stereotype, show me one stripper that isn't a greedy and/or slutty.)	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
× I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other. (Dear god, you know how much trouble that would cause?)	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (When I'm alone...or trying to annoy a roommate.)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (mmmm....strongbad....erp...I mean...uh....damnit!)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	× I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes. (Be it good or bad, you can't live with regret.)	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
× I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend. (The hell is Death Note?)	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love. (Don't discriminate. Hate everyone.)	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

empty_rant @ 2006-06-26T22:02:00

2006-06-27T05:21:55Z

Every time I can't think Alex can irritate me any more she goes and tops herself. This time she asked me if I would take care of her cat for a year while she gets settled at college.

It took me a couple days to calm down after that...not that I blew up on her or anything. I'm just trying to figure this out. I don't want to say that her definition of 'friend' means something since I'm not one to put words to others' opinion for them. However, my definition fulfills three things. I will call a person a friend if they are trustworthy, reliable, and truthful. She has failed in all three aspects.

*shrugs* Maybe I'm just putting too much into it. Or it could be that 'friendship' and 'love' actually hold meaning to me that I'm careful with how I use them.

Either way, I'm infuriated with her right now. How she can treat me the way she has and still have the nerve to call me friend and ask things of me...I dunno. It mostly just hurts.

4 a.m.

2006-06-17T11:59:04Z

I was laying there in bed listening to 1) Sean who can't understand that he needs to 'shut the fuck up' when he talks on ventrillo at early morning hours across the hall, 2) the three different alarms that Jeff needs to wake his ass up to go to work, 3) the downstairs neighbors having sex to a stereo being played too loud, and thought 'shit, something's missing.'

Sure enough, that smug bastard bird that lives in the trees right outside my apartment starting chirping.